Three myths about the relationships that turned out to be fiction

There are a lot of common myths about relations between the floors, which we are presented as truth in the last instance. But is it? It is difficult to believe, but some, even seemingly "proven" life experience more than once, are correct only in part, while others – and at all delusions. Let’s look at some of them.

Myth First. Men polygamines by their nature

American psychologist Andrew P.Smileler proved that it is not. In fact, the overwhelming majority of representatives of strong sex wants a permanent relationship, and not sex for one night, approves the scientist.

By polls, the Smileler found out that the number of men who were inadvertible in sexual relations is not so great, and most often the maximum number of partners from such "Kazan" does not exceed the average three per year. Most researchers surveyed admitted that they would like to build relationships with one woman, and it was this desire that makes them sort out the partners in search of that very, "only".

The idea that represents a man as a polygamic being is quite logical in terms of evolution. According to her, any representative of strong sex seeks to distribute their seed due to instincts to generate as much amount of offspring. However, it considers a smileler, in the process of evolution, an understanding arose that in order for the genes to be transferred further, control over descendants. And it is easier to exercise it when you are next to your siblings. Therefore, modern men prefer to live in a family or at least maintain constant contact with their children. And this is possible only when maintaining relations with their mother.

Myth two. "The smaller the woman we love, the more we like her"

Rather, on the contrary. Indeed, we are often pulling to those who relate to us with indifference or disregard. However, consciously such tactics use more often women than men, they argue psychologists from the University of Western Sydney and Singapore University of Management.

In the course of the study in which over aven a half thousand people took part, various flirting and courtship strategies applied by both floors were analyzed. It turned out that participants used as many as 58 thoughtful tactics associated with disregard and dismissal indifference in relation to a potential partner, and more often used representatives of a beautiful sex. The most popular receptions of the partner’s conquest were recognized by a demonstration of high self-esteem, flirting with other representatives of the opposite sex in the process of flirting and disconnecting sex.

In addition, it was noted that women are much more likely than men, use such an instrument such as sarcasm, more often refer to employment, and also tend to tease men, to lose dates and include an answering machine when they should call their chosen, even if they are at home.

Myth Third. Compatibility of partners – the key to successful relationships

Three myths about the relationships that turned out to be fiction

Most of us dreams that a person who would have a set of features similar to our own. Meanwhile, compatibility occurs only in the process of "wiking" to each other, American researchers believe.

At an early stage, we may seem a big plus that the partner has similar tastes, interests and habits. But the construction of relationships requires effort, the ability to give up, make compromises, respect the needs of the one who is near … Therefore, the Union has a union in people opposing each other in nature, but those who are prone to adapt to each other than those who are similar, but do not want to give in trifles.

"The value of compatibility is exaggerated," says William Dogrti from the University of Minnesota. – Similar features, which attract people to each other, can change over time. Some deep values ​​- the attitude towards money or children are very important. Surface – sport, travel, coffee varieties – do not matter. ".

"Giving too much importance compatibility in itself may be an alarming signal," considers, in turn, Ted Haston from the University of Texas. – My studies have shown that there is absolutely no difference in the objective level of compatibility between happy and unhappy couples. The difference is that unhappy convinced that compatibility for a successful marriage is vital – and also convinced that they do not possess it. When people say "We are incompatible", it usually means "We cannot build our relationship". People exaggerate the meaning of personality or values. And they underestimate how good the temperament is important for successful marriage.

"I think that relationships can bring much more joy if you learn to respect each other’s opinion and try to learn about the partner as much as possible," the head of the study of the Nancy.

So the initial "compatibility" or "incompatibility" simply does not happen. No matter how much you look like or different from each other, the relationship will not be collapsed if you do not work on them. And, on the contrary, if people with different psychological characteristics come to compromises with each other, then they have more chances to build a solid alliance, experts believe.

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